Boulevard

Christmas Wishlist for 2011

2011-10-04T22:08:00.005+08:00

First on the list is upgrading my laptop from Inspiron 1318 to Inspiron 13z. Processor, Display and Hard drive are a lot better from the old one.

Replacing my Canon Ixus 100is with Canon G12.

Last on the list is getting an iPad 2. I think this is too much but it's not bad to wish (lol)

Complain less and give more..

2011-10-03T03:16:00.005+08:00

I got a non-work related email in the office last Sep 29, 2011 from one of my previous agents. It made me think that life isn’t fair enough. When things are not going well in any situation were at, we often complain, feel bad and think that God isn’t rational.

I’m guilty that most of the time I feel neglected, but in reality I shouldn’t be the one complaining..

Thank you for reminding me that I have more to be thankful about..

Postscripts To A Bloodbath

2010-09-03T21:15:00.001+08:00

Mr. Mendoza was already upset even before he saw on television what the policemen did to his brother. The other tourists who remained inside the bus were complaining. Wei Ji Jiang wanted to go to the bathroom. Dao Chi Yu was hungry and the rest were just groaning and whining like they have forgotten that our lives rest in Mr. Mendoza's hands. The hostage taker, as you know him was really nice. He treated us okay and even let the elders and the children leave the bus. He said your policemen treated him unfairly. He was a policeman too and was accused of doing something he had no knowledge of. But your government didn't listen so he used us to get everyone's attention. Things would have never turned for the worst if he didn't see how his family was dragged out of their house and taken into custody. He was watching the news all the time as we huddled around each other behind the bus. He shouted some words in your language then started shooting in the air. A girl about my age started screaming. Mr. Mendoza demanded her to stop but she didn't understand English. God, he had to slash her neck with a knife just to put her to rest. Her boyfriend who tried to hit him was shot in the head. Tension was rising. You can see in his face how scared and confused he was. The bus driver ran away leaving him alone with strangers from a distant land. I can see him walking across the aisle, sometimes pointing his machine gun to one of the tourists. But he tried his best not to hurt us, especially those who really cooperate. I guess its in your nature not to inflict pain on others unless it was necessary. I remember him saying that he will free us before sundown and implored us to forget everything when we return home. But his words don't matter now. The policemen were trying to force their way in, while we all lied down to shield ourselves from bullets. Mister Mendoza blindly shoots at his enemies which I think kept them from rescuing us. I hear sobs under the chairs. Some were even shouting the names of their loved ones even when the air merely eat their words. Kevin Tang tried to escape when the glass door was was shattered, but one shot and he slumped on the floor with blood gushing from his mouth. Heavy rain pitter-pattered on the rooftop. In old Chinese saying, it means an end to a struggle. Finally, somebody was able to open the escape hatch at the back of the bus. Freedom. But I knew Mister Mendoza was still alive. I knew he was just waiting for a chance to strike back at his enemies. So I told those around me not to escape. Let the authorities come for us instead. Then there was gunfire. He was firing at his enemies with a machine gun. Those who were at the escape hatch fled abandoning us once again. It's like a nightmare with no end and to wake up means a certain death. Then somebody from outside the bus threw a canister. It forced out a black smoke that is so painful to the eyes and putrid smelling to the nose. People started screaming. We cannot breathe. Some ran in front of the bus but Mister Mendoza warned them of stray bullets. It was too late. One was hit on the head, the other was hit on the shoulders. Bullets were now flying. Its like the authorities thought we were all dead. Mister Mendoza finally admits his mistake and said sorry to everyone, dead or alive. He then ran towards the front of the bus where he would meet his maker. As he passed by my chair with bullets whistling overhead, I clutched my hand on the velvet curtain and wrapped it around my face. All I could think of was to stay alive - for my child who is waiting for me back in Xinjang.

I know I will survive, I will come home.

Bang Lu Min Survivor,

Quirino Bloodbath

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=422682614138&id=617032003

Unang panaginip..

2010-03-05T02:06:00.001+08:00

March-04-2010

Maaliwalas ang mukha, masaya at syempre gwapo ng makita ko siya sa loob ng ICU. Same exact place kung san siya binawian ng buhay suot ang parehas na damit nung huli ko siyang makita. May kasama siyang nurse na babae sa loob na nag-aalaga sa kanya. Tumatawa at kumakanta habang palakad-lakad sa loob ng room. Walang pinto pero may maliit na butas na kasya ang aking kamay.

Lumapit ako at tinawag cya "Matt! Na-aalala mo pa ba ako?" tumigil cya sa pagkanta..

lumapit at sabay ngiti "Oo naman, Ikaw si Chris dba, yung bestfriend ko.. makakalimutan ba kita?" ika nya..

hinawakan ang aking kamay sa maliit butas at ngumisi.. Iyak lang ako ng iyak dahil alam ko na kahit sa panaginip wala na siya in reality..

Umiiyak ako pag-gising, pagod at uhaw na uhaw.. Naalala ko 2 weeks ago.. sabi ko sa sarili ko namimiss ko sya at kung na-aalala pa ba niya ako..

Thank you for letting me know that you are still around.. but I miss you more, Bes..

2010 Summer Getaway

2010-02-19T05:41:00.010+08:00

March 4 - Managers Team Building at Anilao, Batangas

April 1-3 Holy Week at Puerto Galera

May 11-19 Family Reunion at Gasan, Marinduque

June 11 to Caramoan with my best pals in the office :)

July 8-11 Bound to Puerto Princesa, Palawan with my lablab to celebrate my 28th Birthday

Goodluck sa mala-porselana kong kutis.. I'm very excited :)

Starbucks Planner 2010

2009-11-12T02:40:00.003+08:00

After several days of harassing some of my friends I was able to complete all the stickers required for me to claim my Starbucks Planner 2010. Yay!

Special mention to JM (3), Billy (3), Mark (1), Winnie (1), Cris (1) and Darwin (1)
I love you all! :)

I'm fallin' for you..

2009-11-05T13:08:00.004+08:00

This video made me smile today.. :)

October 27, 2009

2009-10-28T14:11:00.001+08:00

Remembering my bestfriend on his 1st month of being with the lord almighty, October 27, 2009. We love you and miss you so much..

Goodbye for now, Bes!

2009-10-15T01:36:00.002+08:00

Reposting what I have uploaded in facebook. I will miss you a bunch Bes.. Always..

I'm sorry..

2009-10-14T03:03:00.007+08:00

My bestfriend passed away last September 27, 2009. I am trying my best to be strong and move on now that he's already far away. I just thought of posting the last conversation we had in facebook. Our first and last argument.. I regret that I made him feel bad, If I only knew.. ;(

Everytime I read this message, it makes me cry.. I'm so sorry Bes. I hope you have forgiven me..

Tree Top Adventure

2009-03-12T12:42:00.021+08:00

Our team motivation was held at TREE TOP ADVENTURE in subic last Feb 28- March 1, 2009. We left around 7am in the office and had breakfast in Tapa King Acropolis, right across citibank building in eastwood city.

That was my first time to visit subic. First time ko din dumaan ng SCTEX (Tama ba?) Although hindi ako marunong mag drive feeling ko masarap mag maneho along that smooth road. Medyo may kamahalan lang ang toll pero one thing is for sure, mabilis ang byahe hindi nakakainip.

We arrived in subic before lunch and we started the activity. (1) Tree Top Adventure/ Canopy ride was too boring. Sobrang dami kasing puno na pinag lipat-lipatan namin at nakakasawa. Dun sa first 3 stop mejo exciting pa pero dun sa mga susunod parang gusto ko na tumalon puro puno kase nakikita mo at madaming lamok.. what would I expect puro puno kase yun.

With my Boss and CO-TM's (from left to right) Boss Winnie, Dae, RD, Walter, Ryan and me.

(2) Superman Activity - At first medyo scary pero enjoy pag lipad mo. Ito lang yata sa lahat ng activity ako nag enjoy medyo nabitin pa nga ako ng konti e.

(3) Tree-Drop Adventure - Only 2 of my officemates and nag attempt sumubok nito at parehas pang babae (Janice and Charmaine) Takot ako!=p

And lastly, (4) Trekking Adventure - wala kang gagawin kung hindi maglakad sa sa gubat for 45 minutes. They will teach you how to make fire out of bamboo, uminom ng ga-patak ng malinis na tubig sa sanga ng halaman (hindi alam kung ano yun) at kung ano ano pa. Isan lang ang masasabi ko.. sobrang haggard but I had fun kumpara sa canopy ride.

We rented a nice Villa at Forest Hills to spend the night. Maganda sa loob pero ang panget ng exterior. It has 3 bedroom, Living room, Kitchen and centralized airconditioning so masarap matulog. Lahat ng kailangan mo nasa villa na, you just have to bring food and water to drink. Sa sobrang sakit ng likod to we went to ton-ton's massage pa malapit sa petron before we had our dinner tapos knocked-out na lahat..

It was sunday before lunch when we left subic. Nagkaroon pa ng konting bonding and kwentuhan with my CO-TMs at Mocha Blends nice yung place may WIFI din kaso walang tao.. Kami lang ang customer =)

(L-R) RD, Dae, Walter, Charmaine, Me and Ian

Short yung time but the bonding was a blast. I got the chance to know some of them most specially yung first time ko palang naka trabaho.. =)

American Idol 2009 TOP 13 - First Elimination

2009-03-12T10:43:00.006+08:00

Top 13 Bottom 4 are: Jasmine Murray, Maegan Corkrey, Anoop Desai and Jorge Nunez

Jasmine Murray (Judges weren’t impressed with her ’sing for your Idol life) and Jorge Nunez was the first 2 to be eliminated.

Before and After

2009-01-08T19:31:00.006+08:00

One of my top goal is to lose weight this 2009. Mejo dumoble ang taba ko last 2008 hindi ko alam what happened pero lumobo ako bigla. I guess dahil I stopped working out. Hindi ko na ipapakita how big my body is right now..

I'll do my best to lose weight. malapit na kc ang summer and mahirap mag lakad sa beach ng naka t-shirt kc mainit but I'm giving myself until the end of this year to become fit.

So starting immediately, I will eat half-rice a day only, avoid food with fattenings, NO to softdrinks and excercise regularly. hopefully makapag enroll na ako sa boxing class before the end of January..

Wish me luck! :)

2008

2009-01-08T16:12:00.006+08:00

Finally 2008 was over. Hindi ko masasabi na hindi maganda ang taon na ito dahil the reality is madami-dami rin namang magagandang bagay ang nangyari sakin this year. Naging malapit ako sa ilang tao na never ko naisip na magiging ka close ko, I met new friends, I survived for a year now of being independent and fell in-love in a short span of time.. the ending may not be a typical love story which is a happy ending pero at least natuto ako to become more mature in handling a relationship..

To make it easy, I will enumerate everything..

I survived for a year now of being independent and still enjoying a kind of life that is fun yet challenging. totoo nga yung sinabi ng parents ko na mahirap mabuhay lalo ng kung mag isa ka. So last December, I finally decided to move in to a new house with my 2 officemates (Mon and Maebelle)

I became closer to someone na never ko naisip na magiging ka close ko even in my dreams. first impression may not be right all the time kumbaga. We never planned, it just happened. parang naging brother na ang turing ko sa kanya. We've been through several trials and I'm glad we surpassed everthing. love you bes! :)

I met new set of friends. Hindi naman ako naging close sa lahat. Medyo madami sila to enumerate. Sa ngayun pa ilan-ilan nalang yung consistent na nakakasama ko.. JP, Bali, Francis and JM became closer to my heart this year. Minsan meron tampuhan and misunderstandings pero napag-uusapan naman which is good.

Naging maganda ang social life ko this year :) hindi ako naging kill joy at old maid.

My girl friends got married finally. 2 my 3 closest friends settled down this year- Grace and Neren. Neren will give birth soon.. Twins yung baby so sobrang excited ako and yung super close friend ko na crush ko nung highschool si Grace kinasal last December and I was part of the entourage. I was just disappointed because trixy and I arrived late :( bumawi nalang ako sa reception kc nag blow ako ng bubbles kahit yung iba ayaw.. effort yun (I hope Grace read this so she would know)

Still Happy and had pretty good performance at work mejo nag drop nga last nung last 3 quarter for some reasons pero the good thing is I'm catching up now.

I met new guys and one them became my partner for almost 2 months. I tried to make things work for both of us pero hindi parin nag materialize. I rather not say why we parted ways.. secret nalang yun! ;)

And most of all, my family accepted the fact that I'm on my own now and I can make my own decisions. Supportive na sila compared last 2007

2009 just started and I'm very excited sa lahat ng bagay na pwedeng mangayari this year.. Yahhooooo!!! :)

My Christmas Gift

2008-11-26T15:51:00.004+08:00

Is it too early to give myself a present? Hehehe..

I bought myself a new SONY DSC-T2 digital camera. Gift ko na sa sarili ko for Christmas.

Last year my gift to myself was a SONY ERICSSON P990i na wala ngayun kc nagsawa na ako…

Main Features

Resolution 8.1 mega pixels
Image stabilizer feature Optical stabilization helps prevent blurry pictures, especially for handheld cameras at slow shutter speeds or when using high optical zoom. This camera utilizes built-in Super steady shot stabilization to assist in taking sharper pictures.
Sensor resolution 8.1 mega pixels
Optical Sensor Type Super HAD CCD
Effective Sensor Resolution 8,100,000 Pixels
Total Pixels 8,300,000 pixels
Optical Sensor Size 1/2.5 in
Light Sensitivity ISO 80 , ISO 100 , ISO 200 , ISO 400 , ISO 800 , ISO 1600 , ISO 3200 , ISO auto
Digital Zoom 6 x
Shooting Modes Frame movie mode
Shooting Programs Snow , Beach , Fireworks , Landscape , Soft snap , Twilight mode , Hi-speed shutter , High sensitivity , Twilight portrait
Special effects Sepia , Vivid , Neutral , Black & White
Max Shutter Speed 1/1000 sec
Min Shutter Speed 1 sec
Exposure Metering Spot , Multi-segment , Center-weighted
Exposure Modes Program, Automatic
Exposure Compensation ?2 EV range, in 1/3 EV steps
White Balance Custom , Presets , Automatic
White Balance Presets Flash , Cloudy , Daylight , Incandescent , Fluorescent light (daylight) , Fluorescent light (cool white) , Fluorescent light (warm white)
Digital video format MPEG1, MPEG VX
Still Image FORMAT JPEG
Color support Color
Image Stabilizer Optical (Super Ready Shot)
Face Detection Yes

It's been a while..

2008-11-26T15:24:00.002+08:00

It’s been a while since I last updated this blog. Sobrang busy sa work and mejo madaming challenges na dumating last month. I moved in to a new place (I will post my old and new house pictures) with some of my officemates. Feeling ko kse nakakalungkot mag-isa.. I was living alone kase dun sa luma kong pad. So far, so good at first I was really scared because the house is pretty big same with my own room. Hindi kase ako lumaki sa malaking bahay kaya everything was new to me.

Improving na naman ako everyday. I can walk na patay ang ilaw.. hehe.. dati kse hindi talaga..

The most exciting part was nagkaroon na ako ng inspiration. I met someone who makes me smile..

A great person who accepted me for who I am. (I’ll share some details how we met soon)

It’s been a while..

Good Vibes!

2008-09-08T04:06:00.007+08:00

Its 4:22 AM now.. After 12 hours of sleeping ngayon lang ako nagising. Alone in my own little place. Kagaya pa rin ng dati, lagi ako excited every weekends. Siguro kasi alam ko na something new might happen..

09-06-08, Saturday. I went out with friends again around 1am na ako nakarating sa usual place where we hang out somewhere in makati. Kita kita ulit ng mga friday barkadas.

I was so happy dahil wala na akong heavy feelings about my past. Feeling ko walang nangyari..

Nandun si B na minsan ko din nakatampuhan. Part siya ng saturday barkada. Una hindi kami nagpapansinan pero makalaunan nagusap na din kami..

"Kamusta.. Anong balita?" ika nya..

"Ok lang".. sabi ko naman.. sabay akbay sa isa't isa na parang hindi nagkainitan ng ulo sa text message.

Nandun din si "Mestizo Guy" na mejo cold saakin, umirap pa nga ng pa simple eh.

Hindi ko alam if assuming lang ako pero I have this strong feelings na meron tinatago sa akin si B and the rest of the group na malapit sa kanya..

We went to ministop near the bar para mag kwentuhan ng konti. Mejo may tama pa ako that time.

He texted me "Oi" e halos nasa harap nya lang ako.. nag reply naman ako "Oi! may tama pa ako"

"Gusto nyo tumambay muna sa condo?" ika nya.. "Ayy.. sayang uuwe pa kse si J sa batangas ngayung umaga at nasa bahay yung gamit nya"

"Ahh ok cge., sabi naman nya.. Akala ko ok na then he texted again..

"Oi ngiti naman jan"

Medyo natawa naman ako kse feeling ko tlaga I'm so wasted na. Tumingin ako sa kanya at ngumisi..

Wala narin kase ako sa sarili pano may araw na nun..

While on our way home he texted several times. Sabi nya sa isa sa mga messages nya na kung anu man yung sinabi nya saakin sa bar ay totoo lahat yun. Napa-isip ako bigla dahil wala akong maalala.. sabaw ako nun siguro but I remember na may mga sinasabi sya..

Tiningnan ko yung inbox ko and I noticed na meron akong messages na hindi nabasa.. message ni B

"Ei Chris, I think meron ako nasabi sa text ko na mejo off, Sorry.."

I scrolled down at meron pa isang message na hindi ko nabasa "Nakalimutan ko pla sabihin sayo kanina.. Na miss kita "

I don't know how will I feel pero that made me smile.. :)

My friend J offered his phone na tawagan ko si B. Tinawagan ko naman cya at tinanong kung ano yung sinabi nya and nag sorry na din because I can't recall anything... Malakas pakiramdam ko na hindi yung sagot nya saakin yung sinabi nya saakin sa bar..

Asa bahay na kmi ni J.. nauna duon si M and J2..

usap usap na kmi about what happened nung sat night.. asaran, basagan at harutan.. parang mga bata parin kmi.. masaya dahil my depression is totally over..

I'll take everything easy ayoko na kase masaktan ulit at the same time makasakit ng iba.. Hindi pa man malinaw ang lahat meron na ako konting idea.

Hindi ako magsasalita ng tapos.. bahala na kung ano man talaga ito..

At least I have one reason to smile..

Baka meron..

2008-09-04T10:10:00.003+08:00

I met a guy 2 weeks ago in makati. friend siya ng friend ng friend ko.. Magulo ba? Hayaan mo na, magulo naman talaga.. After hanging out sa bar where inabot kmi ng closing all of us decided to make tambay sa house ng friend ng friend ko, 4 kmi actually. Dito ko nakilala si "Mestizo Guy" maputi kase siya at makinis which is one of my weaknesses.. Maganda mata, maganda ngipin at may decent job.. vampira din kase siya at night..

Mejo magaslaw nga lang cya kumilos. Ako ang napapagod sa kanya everytime na nanghaharot siya..

I thought it was just for fun dahil 4 lang kmi and yung 2 ay mag ex-partners. Syempre we have no choice but to entertain each other busy kase yung 2 magyakapan.. He got my number at miniscall nya yung phone nya na naiwan nya sa house..

Naka uwi na kmi lahat sa bahay and he started texting me that he misses me.. oops! I though it as just for fun pero I was wrong seryoso pala cya.. He likes me..

Hindi lingid sa kaalaman nya na I was depressed that time because little guy na kilala din nya.. tinapat ko cya and sinabi na I'm not into anything this time.. I can be his friend but nothing more than that..

After a week of texting.. Pinapunta ko cya dito sa house.. Kwentuhan. We were inside my room while my close friend kevin was sleeping with this partner sa sahig..To be honest, His presence made me smile.. sobrang kulit naman kase ng lalaking ito. Katumbas ay sampung kalabaw..

I consulted bes and some friends and I was told to why not go out with him kahit once which I considered..

Napag kasunduan namin magkita. Same bar kung saan kmi nag meet with friends. It was our first official date. I was with him all the time....

We went home 11:00AM after having a coffee sa starbucks 6750 with our new friend Erwin..

Nag text siya sakin na he's serious sa lahat ng mga sinabi nya.. I dunno what to say.. kase hindi ko alam how will handle this situation.. Nagpasalamat lang ako sa lahat ng ginawa nya and I had fun with him..

I just don't feel that there is a connnection..

Friendship or Love?

2008-09-03T06:07:00.003+08:00

Why do most people seem to fall for a friend at one point or another? It is we because we see a great person..

Someone who knows us inside and out, someone who has been there when were down, someone who knows what makes us laugh and what makes us cry, someone who cares..

We see the perfect someone in a friend but what we don't see is that as soon as we take the next step, they will turn into someone we never knew at all..

I got this message from a new friend of mine. Something to think about...

I always believe that friendship is the foundation of a strong relationship.. but what what if you fall for a friend na hindi mo naman ginusto.. na develop lang dahil nanjan kayo for one another..

Most of the time mahuhulog ka sa patibong if you can relate to his situation.. lalo na kapag nag sasabi sya ng problema sayo..

Will you sacrifice your friendship in exchange of love.. What if you only feel one way.. and hindi ka nya gusto? are you still gonna try?

Madami pwedeng mangyari if you fall for your friend..

It happened to me, months ago. I chose to be his friend and we're still together..

Christian was smiling all night last Saturday..

2008-09-03T05:50:00.003+08:00

Minsan napapaisip ako kung ano ba talaga ang exact definition ng happiness? Merong mga araw na Masaya ka then all of a sudden malulungkot ka ulit w/o any reason. Yung tipong bigla ka nalang malulungkot at mapapa isip..

Kung babalikan ko ang mga nangyari 4 weeks from now, masasabi kong malungkot ako
Sa ngayon, I must say.. I’m feeling better, wala ng sama ng loob at mga damdaming sinasarili..

Kailangan lang pala ng lakas ng loob para masabi mo ang nararamdaman mo pero nakakainis din dahil naputol. Yung ka date ko kase hinila ako at yung ka date niya hinila din sya ayun hindi namin natapos..

Nasabi ko naman sa kanya na I like him. Hindi ko pa kilala yung group nila.. I was very comfortable to tell him everything kahit sabaw ako and he is normie.

Sabi ko naman sa kanya itutuloy namin yung pag-uusap sa susunod..

Sobrang Masaya ako dahil nabigyan ako ng pagkakataon na masabi yung nararamdaman ako and he was there to listen.

Mababaw pero that made me happy..

Christian was smiling all night last Saturday..
August 30, Saturday @ Club GOV, Makati

Cancer - July 10, 1982

2008-08-21T11:39:00.005+08:00

CRAB (June 22 to July 22)

Traits:

Emotional and loving

Intuitive and imaginative

Shrewd and cautious

Protective and sympathetic

LIKES:

Hobbies

Romance

Children (Absolutely!)

Home and Country Parties (Yess! I love to party. lol!)

DISLIKES:

Aggravating situations

Failure Opposition

Being told what to do (I disagree)

Advice- good or bad (siguro depende sa nag aadvice sakin)

Thank you!

2008-08-21T11:08:00.004+08:00

I'm back after another day of work..

I think I'm feeling better now compared yesterday dahil madami ako nakitang tao at naka-usap sa office. Bigla ko lang naisip kanina yung mga friends ko na nandito sa tabi ko yesterday..

MAJA (Officemate ko na mahilig sa gulay) - Thanks! Kahit nasa office ka, you still made me laugh. Kahit na pinaiiyak mo ako dahil sa kaululan ko eh nanjan ka pa din sa tabi ko. You proven your worth as a friend. We may have arguement pero puros kagaguhan lang.. pero na realize ko na may serious side ka din pala.

Kahit hindi ako nakatulog ng maayos dahil sa lakas ng bungaga mo sa panonood nd DVD with you friend eh ok lang. wala ka talagang pakielam alam mo naman na more than 24 hrs na akong gising noh! Thanks for coming- I like the Andok's Chicken at kahit inuwi mo yung Jollibee mo na pasalubong mo sakin.. Hahaha! Daig mo pa ang adik. I love you Maja :)

KELVIN (Bessy ko way back in college) - Kahit hindi ka nagparamdam for ages. I appreciate na pumunta ka dito 6am ng umaga at nag stay for a couple of hours. Thank you for listening ha, advices mo and mga nakakatawa mong kwento. I hope na nanjan ka na ulit palagi. I wish you all the best sa current relationship mo. Go!

MICHAEL (A guy I've met online) - Thanks for listening to me kahit sa YM lang tayo nag uusap. We haven't seen each other.. sa picture lang, I know merong right time for that. Salamat sa pagtawag mo sa landline.

WEST (a close friend of mine) - Kahit ako na shock sa mga revelations mo eh ok lang, that made me smile. Thanks for understanding my situation now, galing mo talaga tumiming ha. :)

Feeling ko makakatulog na ako ulit ng maayos..

2 Weeks

2008-08-20T12:29:00.016+08:00

Before I go to bed today and try to sleep I would like to share what happened to me for the last 2 weeks..

After I got home from work, binuksan ko kagad ang laptop ko nag surf at nagbasa ng blogs of my friends ang kung kani-kanino pa. I guess eto na yung addiction ko in getting to know other people and revealing myself. Daig ko pa addict sa ginagawa ko. Feeling ko kc mas madali mag release ng nararamdaman mo when you put it into writing. Nalilipat lahat ng sakit at depression mo sa mga sinusulat mo.

Sa office sobrang stress na ako. I have a lot of things to do.. pending admin works, coaching my people at the same time making sure that my team is performing all the time. High expectations. Minsan sabi ko sa sarili ko kaya ko pa ba ang stress sa work? should I give up, be strong, o mag disappear nalang ako sa work. I know mali lahat yun.. sa dami ng napag daanan ko in life, laking hirap ko bago ako nakarating to where I am now.

I was thinking baka kulang lang ako sa inspirasyon and with my current situation na sobrang depress on what is going on with my lovelife. It's been a long time since I had a relationship. That was Feb 2007, we lasted for 8 months (my longest relationship ever). I never dated anyone because it took me almost 6 months before I fully recovered. Hindi ako nagmamalinis, I had several ONS but those were just plainly business - nothing more than that. I had issues in trusting those guys I meet online. Siguro dahil na din all of them has one purpose which is to have sex and that's it. I always wanted to meet someone from acquaintance. Tipong ma memeet mo from a gimik place or papakilala ng friends mo sayo and it happened 2 weeks ago but I guess it will not materialize anymore. I like this person very much siguro kaya heto ngayun ang nangyayari saakin. "I'm a type of guy na hindi naniniwala sa love at first sight. I can like the person but I can't love anyone on our first meeting. I would like to know the person first before committing because I don't want na we'll end up hurting each other."

Last Saturday, Birthday ng newly found friend ko- I met their group nuong event ng BF-GK. Sobrang nag enjoy ako sa company nila.. Kaya ito naulit nanaman.. dun ko na meet yung "cute little guy" (The guy I was referring to from Kusina sa Langit) hindi ko pa cya na memeet and kilala. sabi ko sa sarili ko.. I know he is a good person, smart and funny- I like it when he says "Ate" and that makes me smile. He is an adorable guy. No wonder my other friend likes him too. 2 weeks ago after the event, nag hangout pa kmi sa hotel in makati with the rest of the gang. I must admit duwag ako and I don't know how to make my first move. Lagi nalang ako sumasabay sa agos.. Torpe, Mabagal at walang tiwala sa sarili. A lot of my friends are saying "Anu ka ba Christian! nasa harap mo na nagpaparamdam na, wala ka din ginagawa"

I never had the confidence to ask for his number. Alam ko lang pangalan nya. That's it. Pagdating ko sa house that time I can't sleep pa. so hinanap ko cya online and I found the rest of the gang and him. I was so excited to send him a message. Sunday when I got his first message and we ended up chatting sa YM for hours. I can't remember. For first time I had a courage to ask for his number. I said "hope you don't mind, can I get your number?" I got his number finally.. and I'm happy about it. Same night I went out for a coffee with my other friends ksama si Bes. If I can remember it right we texted 3 times and everything ended all of a sudden..

Last week was also fun. We hang out sa Club Gov then tumuloy kmi sa Travelers In sa makati until 1pm para sa birthday celebration. A lot of things happened. My bes left me with the group which is ok lang because of them are nice. Hindi nila ako pinabayaan :)

Madami ako realizations when I got home. You can't have it all talaga.. I have a great and supportive family, good career, a lot of friends, my own cozy place and I can buy things that I wanted but something is missing - a partner in life.

Monday was a bad day for me. Here's what happened. Bes and I had a conversation over IM - (I changed his name to little guy and I scrap the rest na hindi related dito)

Bes [11:53 PM]: hello
Ako [11:53 PM]: Hi
Bes [11:53 PM]: musta?
Ako [11:53 PM]: im ok
Ako [11:53 PM]: ikaw
Bes [11:53 PM]: ok naman
Bes [11:53 PM]: eto masigla
Ako [11:54 PM]: ahhh
Bes [11:54 PM]: o ano ng balita sayo?
Ako [11:55 PM]: ganun pa din..
Ako [11:55 PM]: hahahaha
Bes [11:55 PM]: ano na si little guy?
Ako [11:55 PM]: ayun si little guy parin..
Bes [11:55 PM]: okay.
Ako [11:55 PM]: I guess he didnt like me..
Bes [11:56 PM]: why naman?
Ako [11:56 PM]: ma fefeel mo naman yun
Bes [11:56 PM]: actually ang cute nya nung sunday morning
Ako [11:56 PM]: although we never talked about it
Bes [11:56 PM]: kaso nahihiya ako dahil baka magalet ka sakin
Ako [11:56 PM]: really?
Bes [11:56 PM]: hehe
Bes [11:56 PM]: oo
Bes [11:56 PM]: anu ba nakita mo naman na cute sya eh
Bes [11:57 PM]: one reason dn kaya wala ako din is because ayoko ma hassle kay little guy
Ako [11:57 PM]: what do you mean ma hassle
Bes [11:57 PM]: kasi malamang kapag may bangag... baka yakap yakapin ko sya
Bes [11:57 PM]: at mainis ka lang sakin kasi crush mo sya
Ako [11:57 PM]: cguro ganun mangyayari
Bes [11:57 PM]: eh d ko naman dineny na crush ko din sya and he knows it...
Bes [11:57 PM]: hehehe
Ako [11:58 PM]: o eh di karirin mo na si little guy
Ako [11:58 PM]: you dont have to think about me. if he likes you then go
Ako [11:58 PM]: i cant force anyone to like me.. just because gusto ko cya.
Bes [11:58 PM]: eh kaso i wanna make sure na if I date little guy, he feels the same way and magiging seryoso nako
Bes [11:59 PM]: kasi I feel na seryoso syang tao
Ako [11:59 PM]: i think he is.
Bes [11:59 PM]: so ayun
Ako [11:59 PM]: dont break his heart or else.
Ako [11:59 PM]: im serious. magagalit ako sayo.
Bes [12:00 AM]: yup I promise I'll take care of him
Ako [12:00 AM]:because i know he is a good person.
Bes [12:00 AM]: yup it shows naman
Bes [12:00 AM]: thanks bes ha
Ako [12:00 AM]: okey.

Now, Is it fair to say I'm fine? Pinakita pa sakin yung message ni little guy na "his message made him smile".. OMG - The feeling was terrible and I couldn't explain it. That really broke my heart. I feel numb and parang nasusuka ako. I love my bes but the Idea of doing that is not fair to me.. can anyone relate to this?

Hindi pa ako natutulog until now.. More than 24 hrs na ko gising dahil I really can't sleep. I was out of the office Tuesday, buti nalang I have an option not to go to work kc holiday in qc.

Ang mundo ko umikot sa loob ng kwartong ito..

I only had 1 meal na hindi ko pa naubos.. Can anyone tell me that this is normal????

Kung pwede lang magsalita laptop ko eh nagreklamo na cya, more than 24 hrs of working and playing music.. hindi ka ba naman mapagod...

I wish I can be depressed monthly para hindi ganito ang feeling, yung tipong sanayan na lang..

Totoo tlagang "When it rains, it pours"

Sana Makatulog na ako..

AZUZEPHRE - A Super hero?

2008-08-19T11:39:00.013+08:00

He is Azuzephre. I got him from a very close friend of mine. At first glance, He looks scary at the same time nakakaawa..

Kung ganito kaya itsura ko and use the same line will I can get hug at least from someone I like?

Speaking of this close friend of mine. Maja is a wheirdo, geek, fat-ass lady and a beyotch. We both came from the same batch sa work. Parehas kmi Pioneer TM's. I still remember nung sabay kmi na final interview.. nagkita kmi sa Promesa kung saan i-babackround check kmi. She was very perky and englisera.. nose bleed ka sa kanya. At first I thought she was a bitch pero hindi pala dahil isa cyang beyotch (sweet noh?). I can say na madaming tao ang na mimisinterpret cya pano ba naman she has a lot of opinions and very vocal sya sa mga ideas niya.

Pero topak din itong tao na ito, look what she did sa panda and turtle. tama ba naman ito? hahaha.. napatawa tuloy ako (from her folder na naka save dito sa laptop ko pinost ko w/o her permission, may gusto pa sana ako ilagay na picture kaya lang sasapakin ako nito) hahahaha..

She knows me very well. Lahat ng fears ko, problema sa buhay at mga malulupit na sikreto.

Magksama kmi sa galera twice. Una with her officemates then holy week with my friends wherein na culture shock sila (with his good friend.., asus!) actually ako din na culture shock.. Hahahaha!

The best was yung una, March yata yun.. nung nahilig ako sa gulay hindi naman ako vegetarian pero i started to love it.

Heto ang mga epekto:

Maja -- "I'm not crapping!" Nagkulong sa CR at nakinig ng music sa Ipod. Naasar sakin kc tawa ako ng tawa..

Cloe -- "hahahahahahaha.. hahahahah" wala lang. tawa lang cya ng tawa.

Joan -- Hindi cya nagtagalog the entire night, nagbalot ng kumot at ala "sixth sense" ang drama.

Lito -- After mapagod kakatawa, natulog lang cya. ok diba? Pero.. nung maingay kmi sabi nya "cge isa pa mananapak na ako" (scary.. tahimik kmi lahat nun. habang naka closed fist cya")

Ako naman.. -- nag explore outside the hotel.. I saw fairies, Witches and moving stuff. pati yung mga stand ng barbeque gumagalaw papalapit saakin., I became a super hero- I can fly, change the weather.. I became a powerful person kahit sandali lang .

I had fun actually - the experience was different from my prior trips to puerto galera.

Kung bibigyan ako ng pagkakataon with my condition now- Sana I can be a super hero kahit saglit ulit para magawa ko lahat ng gusto ko..

Million Miles Away

2008-08-19T11:12:00.001+08:00

Some other people may not appreciate what I’m doing.. I guess this is me when I feel down and sad. There are some feelings I can’t express verbally but into writing.. I like him but it seems like he is

A million miles away..

Would you pretend that you’re doing ok even if you’re really not?

Would you do your best to win his heart even though there is 1% chance of him loving you back?

Would let him fall in love to someone you knew will hurt him?

Would you set him free because you want him to be happy?

This is not easy, I thought it was.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Million Miles Away

I'd love to make you mine'

Cause it's the only way to hold you

In my wild imagination

Still don't know how

To grab a chance and spend some time

In just a simple conversation

Refrain:

Just give it a try

Though I'm like chasing rainbows in the sky

I wanna hold you in my dreams

And make believe that it's true

Although I know, I know that it is impossible to do

Cause your a star

People love you as you are

You're a million miles away from me

Wished that you were here

Cause it's illusions every time you're close to me

And sing my love song

And it's the only way

I could tell, the whole world(I love you)

Although your a million miles away

Just give it a try

Though I'm like chasing rainbow in the sky

I wanna hold you in my dreams

And make believe that it's true

Although I know, I know that it's impossible to do

Cause your a star

Your a star

Just give it a try

Though I'm like chasing rainbow in the sky

I wanna hold you in my dreams

And make believe that it's true

Although I know, I know that it's impossible to do

Cause your a star

Your a star

Million miles away from me

----------

Kusina sa Langit

2008-08-14T08:46:00.001+08:00

Sa mahigit 10 taon na hindi ko nabisita ang langit.. Last Saturday, August 9 around 01:30 AM up to 10:00 AM sinubukan kong magbalik loob siguro dahil narin sa peer pressure..

I went to makati for an event with my officemates which includes my bestfriend. Sabi ko sa sarili ko mukhang hindi ko kakayanin this time, I was so afraid that things maybe different now.. sa tagal ba naman nun, halos hindi ko na maalala..

Dami ng tao, feeling ko alien ako sa isang planeta.. feeling ko kase I'm done with that.. Sa labas ng venue dami naka tambay and maayos ang mga porma nila, mga fashionista. -- Ako naka shirt na black, jeans and rubber shoes. Kinakabahan pa ako nung time na yun because I think I am not prepared at mukha akong kakaiba.. Lahat ng klase ng tao nasa loob ng lugar na yun.. Mayayaman, Magaganda, Models, Artista, Sexy, Yuppies, Pa-sosyal, Dugyot, Feeling Star at mga simpleng tao-- kagaya ko.

When other people ask me what kind of person I am.. Lagi ko sinasabi "I'm simple and I hate complications".. pero ginagawa ko bang complicated ang buhay ko this time?

For the first 3 hours I'm so fucking bored eh paano ba naman yung bestfriend ko parang tatakbo sa senado panay ang kaway at walang humpay na kamustahan.. I couldn't blame him.. goodlooking kc si bes..

Malakas ang sound but I like it.. nagising lahat ng senses ko. until the party all started. Lakas ng sigawan ng crowd, May tumatalon, May nakatingkayad sa sobrang tuwa, May parang sumasamba sa anito -- at syempre meron ding mga dead kids.. nakasandal sa gilid at tulala.. parang mga bulag at walang kakilala.

Sa pagtingin-tingin ko kung saan-saan habang nagkakagulo sila sa kasiyahan.. sa table next to where we are situated. I noticed a group of young guys.. We'll young pa din naman ako, I'm only 26. -- One of them really catch my attention, cute kase and mukhang mabait pero sabi ko "tsk.. taken nanaman, anu ba yan" may naka akbay kc sa kanya nung time na makita ko cya.. so life must go on.

My bestfriend finally arrived and we started...

It's almost an hour of long wait until I felt so happy.. Lahat na yata niyakap ko dahil sa masaya ako. Nakalimutan ko lahat ng mga problema ko sa buhay.

Dance to death ako same with my other friends. I can't stop my hands and body to move. feeling ko ako si "The Flash" nabibingi na ako at sigaw ako ng sigaw ng wooohoooo!!!

I can still remember when my bestfriend said "After this we will visit a friend, this is not over yet"
then I replied "Wow! that's nice. Thanks ha! I love you bes" It feels like punong puno ng pagmamahal ang puso ko..

Naaalala ko pa.. that was February of 2007 sa Boracay nung huli ako naging masaya... but I think ito na yung happiest so far.. Heaven ang feeling!

04:30 AM nung matapos yung event.. we rushed to Ministop to buy tropicana. Habang naglalakad papunta sa isang bar near the venue gumugulong ang mundo namin. nagyosi at umupo sa gilid ng couch malapit sa entrance..

Paalis na kmi with his friend na pinakilala sakin ni bes sa event.. may araw na actually nung lumabas kmi and in my surprise kasama pala nung friend ni bes yung mga dead kids sa loob ng event -- with the cute little guy -- 06:00 AM

Moving on with so much pain..

2008-08-13T10:53:00.001+08:00

I said to myself.. I'm going to start moving on.. Yes, I'm doing my best but I never thought this would be this difficult.

I couldn't help myself but cry every time I remember what happened the last time we saw each other..

I thought it would be just fine. everything will be back to normal because u said "I LOVE YOU BABY".. I didn't reply because I never feel it was real..

We were together at the beach, dancing, drinking, having fun.. but you know what? I'm crying deep inside.. felt like shit! I dunno where it will lead us.. I felt unimportant, cheap and was taken for granted.. who cares it was over that time..

I felt like I was begging for attention and love..

It was my longest relationship ever.. I felt like it was my first love..

I feel so bad.. will this be for a long time?

Will i ever have a normal life without you? this caused me so much pain.. I made my decision thinking this will be easy but I was so fucking wrong..

I can forgive you even how many times you commit mistakes..

I'm still waiting.. trying to move on with so much pain.. i hope i could withstand everything..

Please love me..

Why do I love you..?

Created: May 4, 2007 03:00 PM

My First Love Letter

2008-08-13T10:45:00.001+08:00

My life will not be this colorful without you by my side.. My air to breathe, my water when I'm thirsty, my sunshine who cheers me up... My baby , my love.., my life... What more can i ask for? :)

Thank you for making me complete.. We've been through a lot of test for the past 6 months in this relationship and it think this made us a very strong couple. The kind of bonding we have maybe so unusual to you but I can see all your efforts in making every single second worthwhile one.. I love you baby..

We may part our ways someday but bear in your mind that my love will remain here in my heart.. I'm always around to support you. I'm sorry if I may appear domineering sometimes. I just hope you understand because i only want the best for you.

I may not be a perfect partner for you, but I'm doing my best for you to be proud of me. I'm looking forward to be your partner forever..

Mahal na Mahal kita baby.. - Happy 3rd Monthsary!!!

Created: May 2, 2007 02:03 PM

First Episode

2008-08-13T09:44:00.001+08:00

I still don't know how will I start this blog. After browsing and reading so many blogs since I learned how surf I am not so sure why people would need to write stories about their encounters in life, Why do they need to post pictures and ask other people to read what they created..

It even came to a point that I doubt if all their stories are factual..

And here I am now eating my own pride and started to write my first ever blog..

I realized that maybe some of them are making sense and they want us to learn from it.. or this is one way to vent out how they feel about what is happening.. a medium where they can express what they really feels about something..

I still dont know exactly why I started writing- all I know is I'm sad and this would make my feelings lighter..